For years I struggled with binge eating after a bikini comp. Looking back, I realized I entered the bikini comp during an intense manic phase due to my bipolar disorder. Before the bikini comp I had no issues with binging, even when I was an undiagnosed as having bipolar disorder. The competition served as a trigger and from that point on (almost 10 years ago) I would start a cycle of binging and restricting. During my binges I used the excuse of bulking…and the weight I got to was 138. As soon as I saw that weight I would restrict back to 122. Rinse and repeat. Even at 138 I never looked very heavy to others. Did not feel good or sexy at that weight…just looked “normal”. And I never wanted to be the “best friend of the sexy girl”. I wanted to be the “sexy one”. Lol. But the food addiction prevented that.
What did I eat during my food addiction? –
I was eating 4 to 5 containers of frosting a night, 2 dozen donuts for breakfast…etc..ppl thought it was funny bc I was tiny and could eat all of that..Except it was not funny. Noone would laugh at a heroin addict
. Why did I stay tiny? Because I would overexercise for hours the next day by running for hours or biking from one end of Chicago to the other, or eating until I vomited. Eventually my manic phase would end and I would enter the depressive state and gain weight until I hit 138 lbs, I’d see the number. Rinse and repeat for over a decade.
And then 2017. The year that changed my life. Back when I thought my life was over. The man I loved left me. I attempted suicide and sent to a psych hospital. I was given a psych med (one of the most notorious weight gainers on the market with a BLACK BOX warning which stated that users may develop metabolic syndrome.) I was sure I wouldn’t. I was an athlete after all. But I was no snowflake. This med made me go from 122 to 155 in less than 3 months.
Overexercising no longer worked. Restricting didn’t work. I even stopped binging for a bit to become more healthy and decided to eat healthy whole grains and more veggies and fruits. Nothing worked. I was no longer suicidal but depressed about my weight. I binged again. Now my binges showed. My fasting glucose rose and now my weight rose to 165. I had never been that weight. Not even when I was pregnant. I stopped weighing. Enter Keto.
I lost weight in rapid succession by cutting out grains and sugars. I reached my “goal”. or what I thought was my goal. I went from 165 to 112 ….but still struggled with binging, even on keto. In Jan/ Feb I binged on keto sweets and fat bombs which led me to binging on the real deal. 2 boxes of cupcakes and a whole sheetcake. Soon I was 127. Not 165.. but 127. Sure it wasn’t as big as I used to be, but it was a sign I had to get my binging under control.
I did strict keto and got down to 119 lbs. I looked great, I figured this was my goal weight. No need to lose anymore weight or bodyfat, but I still struggled with cravings and the urge to binge. It was strong. And I knew it was a matter of time before I would give in. So I went carnivore.
I cut out all fruits and veggies, just meat, eggs and fish in hope I could conquer this demon once and for all.
My appetite reduced to the point I could now eat once a day. Sugar cravings left. Psoriasis which I had struggled with- GONE. My psych meds were reduced and then eliminated with the approval of my psychiatrist! Most importantly- no binge urges for sugary foods! Gone. GONE! GOne! And interesting enough.. I thought I had reached peak physique with keto. Not true. Carnivore took me down a path I had never gone before with not much effort! I looked better 10 years after I did a bikini comp with less exercise and no feelings of deprivation! My weight and bodyfat went down again with carnivore. I have never been this lean in my life, even compared with keto. People think I compete! True, I do compete in strength sports- olympic lifting and kettlebell sport. But I do not compete in bikini or figure. Yet people think I do! I don’t have any ups or down and no bipolar episodes since carnivore. Meat truly does heal.